Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize