I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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