After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
