Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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