so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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