did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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