i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
