Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
