omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
