my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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