omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
