I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
