Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
