I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
