Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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