Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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