Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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