so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
