I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
