Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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