he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
