it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
