hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
