Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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