You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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