help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
