If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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