I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize