my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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