Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
