I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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