Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
