Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
