my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize