i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My penis needs a shock collar
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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