Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
