so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
