he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's just like the Real World with babies
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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