We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
