If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize