For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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