I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
