My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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