and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
