Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
