my sisters under your porch take her home
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
