Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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