She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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