While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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