Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
