I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
