I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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