dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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