I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Your penis caused this!
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