Me too!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
