I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
