i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
