i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
