Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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