matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
