every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
