What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she told me i tasted like america
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
