Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
