This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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