party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
