he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
