In the future we'll all be gay
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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