You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
