I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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