why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
