No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
