I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
