if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
