how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
