you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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