I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
