No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize