I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
