If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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