Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
