Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
