that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
