My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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