i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
