i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
