a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
