I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize