the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
