theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
