I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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