He is such a slut. More and more my type.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
