can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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