Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
