And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
