she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
