the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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