i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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