I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
