It's Friday. Sex?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
