Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
