i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
